Where should a man seek refuge?

Are big words like trust, mutual understanding, ghar ki baat, values etc applicable only to husbands?

My wife will bring up these words in her arguments with me. For example whenever my mother tried to interfere for the purpose of calming both of us my wife got infuriated and abused my mother for the reason that she has no business between husband and wife. Now it could be that I will have a softer corner for my mother but still what I can say being fair is that my mother always interfered to calm matters between us.

My wife has problems if my mother talks to my sister, real sister and shares her issues which my mother has had my wife. My wife wants that my mother should not talk to my sister about matters which are in the family or ghar ki baat.

Now, this Saturday (31 May) I, my wife and our son went to a movie with my sister's family - her husband and two kids. After the movie we were sitting in food court of Ambience mall at Vasant Kunj when I took all the kids to a bookstore. My sister had to use the washroom and so my wife and my sister's husband were left on the table. My wife started talking to my sister's husband about her issues with my mother.

What was that if not in direct opposition to what she has an opinion on family matters and ghar ki baat? This is not the first time she acted directly opposite to what she says or exhibits.

What should a husband do? Is there any provision in law that restricts a wife from talking family matters to relatives or outsiders? If I scold her I will be honoured by cases like 498a by my wife fully supported by Indian state. If I talk to her relatives or outside about her she will raise a ruckus and a raise a FIR against me for harrassment.

Where should a man seek refuge? His better half is devilish for him and the law forces him to abide by the devil.

Indian Law: Turning Indian men to Eunuchs

My wife threatened my mother with jail today.

And what was the reason? Will you be interested in knowing?

No, it was just not dowry demand, if only you can believe it. It has been over 5 years of our marriage and no dowry was ever demanded anytime during the tenor of my marital life. So what was the issue today that my wife threatened my mother?

The housemaid! Yes, the kaam wali bai. Last week my wife gave a pink slip to the bai who was working in my house for over 3 or 4 months on some reason. My wife scolded her like some Hitler and asked her to leave. My mother advised my wife that we can give the poor maid another chance but my wife did not agree. So, for about a week my wife could not find another housemaid and then she found one. Now this one had had an argument with my mother some 10/11 months back when my wife was at her paternal home (her third longish stay there in five years of our marriage). Obviously my mother asked this maid to go and not to come. This infuriated my wife and she treated my mother verbally in a very bad manner. She called her names and once again talked ill of her character. And this time she threatened my mother with jail.

And I am not surprised. Because Indian law allows her to not just threaten but actually go and do it.

Indian assholes (read legislators) have framed laws which do not ask for any proof from the daughter-in-law and take action of putting behind bars the alleged culprits - husband, his old parents, his brothers and sisters and any relative she wishes! Will it surpise you if I were to tell you that these laws have jailed even 4 months' old infants for harrasing a daughter-in-law!

Now you probably may agree that why Indian legislators are assholes!

What should a man do when his innocent parents are threatened for such trivial matters? Just swallow his prestige down his gut?! And feminists have actually succeeded in making men of India eunuchs. Kudos

I will eagerly wait for the day when some of these feminists get bitten by the snake they have given birth to in collusion with politicians who answered their libido instead of logic when passing these laws

Where is the support a man expects from his woman

For whom does a man earn? Why does he earn at all? What makes him bear all the tension of the job and swallow many things that at times demean him and still he goes on to persist in his pursuit of bringing money home for the family. What does he want in return?

I don't think he wants anything more than that his family has no monetary constraints within their standard of living and at the same time he also wants and is responsible to ensure that his parents get a decent life after all that they bore to bring him up.

Can you feel the pain that he would be in when he is told that despite his earning well his parents cannot be provided for something. Something really small. Despite his meeting his commitments to his family (wife and kids) he is told that his wife cannot cannot sustain his old mother!

Yesterday evening when I asked my wife to get home nariyal pani 2 or 3 times a week for mom too while my wife takes it daily when she goes out, I was told that she cannot buy it for my mom because she does not have enough money left. Now I give her 20,000 per month for household and that is only kitchen since rent, electricity, society maintenance, fuel, doctor fes etc is borne by me only. She expends only things to consume - fruits, vegetables, milk. Even her mobile bills are paid by me. All her medical bills are paid by me. Now I really wonder if 20,000 per month is less for a family of 3 adults (me, my wife, my 60 yr old mom) and a kid of 3 yrs of age.

I was left in deep pain when my wife told me that she cannot buy nariyal paani in these summers for my mom. A nariyal pani costs 35 bucks and if she buys 3 per week she will spend 105 per week and for one month it could be 515 bucks. Is that huge dent in her monthly pocket of 20,000 that I give her? Every month she will go to parlour to get her hair coloured, fingers and toes manicured etc. I don't even ask how much she spends there. But can I ask why she cannot spend 515 rupees for nariayl pani for my mom.

No, I cannot ask because Indian law does not allow me to ask. This asking can be easily classified as mental torture and I can be booked under 498a or some other law.

And therfore, a man, I should keep quiet and suffer the pain to see my "better half" with no inclination to take care of my old mother who spent her life taking care of me. So the man has no support from the person he is expected to support.

Hail Indian laws

Via http://www.my-diary.org/app/

Making ass out of law

We all know that law is an ass and at the risk of being taken into contempt, I ask with a lot of pain in my heart a question “what about those who make law look like an ass?”

See the news report (URL at end of this post). Logic defeats me as to why and how a dead man and his estate is liable towards his ex-wife with whom he has received divorce and who has re-married and with help of second husband is taking care of the child she had with the deceased. The report does not talk of it, but she might have more kids with second husband too.

Just because the man did not re-marry is no reason to entitle the ex-wife with the claim amount of man's insurance. That there was a case around it, I am sure there were other claimants to the man's estate (life insurance) whom the court has neglected.

I understand that the man has a child with the woman. But she re-married after divorce. Why doesn't the second husband be held responsible for the child? Why was the child not in the custody of the man for the child to enjoy the estate of his father? What about the dead man's parents and siblings?

Besides these questions I intend to draw your attention to some possible impacts on the society if this judgment becomes a sort of precursor (God forbid):

1. With this judgment in hand, a woman gets all the incentive she wants to murder her ex-husband and enjoy lavish with her next man
2. The rights of parents over their boys, whom they nurture, educate get relegated to mere talk while someone who divorced their boy enjoys the man's hard earned money
3. Probably men like me will abstain from taking any life insurance policy henceforth and this could be a blow to the fledgling industry in India thereby not contributing to India's economic growth
4. Marriage gets even more commercial from being institutional

While these questions are tough and no straight easy answers might be available, the question on top of my mind continues to echo is

“What do we call those who make the law appear like an ass?”

The link to the report referred to above is HERE